I’m taking weekend classes this month on film production. This weekend was all about scriptwriting. I had a good time, though have kind of mixed feelings about what I learned.
As part of the class, we had a short time to write a script. I put together the following in about half an hour. I doubt I’ll ever do anything with it, so I hereby offer it to the Internet.
It’s called “The Stapler.”
INT. AN OFFICE - DAY ROGER, a young man wearing a shirt and tie, is sitting at a desk in an open-office typing on a computer. TINA, young and pretty, comes up to the desk. TINA I need to use your stapler. Tina reaches for the stapler on Roger's desk. Roger snatches it away before she can get it. ROGER That's my stapler. TINA I know it's your stapler. I need to borrow it. ROGER I'm going to need it later. TINA I only need it for a minute. The stapler in the copier is broken, so I need it to staple my DS-22's. ROGER I know the copier is broken. That's why I'm going to need it. I have my own DS-22's to do. TINA I'll bring it right back. ROGER Wait a minute. You mean you want to take it with you? TINA Well, yes. ROGER There's no way that's going to happen. TINA I'll bring it back in a minute. ROGER Look, you're a nice person. I like you. But Cindy Benson is a nice person too. Last August she borrowed my stapler. Just for a minute. And she never brought it back. TINA I'm not Cindy Benson. ROGER She borrowed my highlighter too. TINA I don't need a highlighter. ROGER That's not the point. It took me three months before I got another highlighter. I had to fill out a T 49 to get the new highlighter. In triplicate. With a letter cosigned by my superior explaining what happened to my highlighter. Which needed to be stapled to the T-49's. Which I couldn't do because I didn't have a stapler because Cindy Benson never brought mine back. TINA I don't need a highlighter! ROGER You can't take my stapler. TINA Suppose I brought over my DS-22's and stapled them here. ROGER I suppose that might work. TINA Well thank God. ROGER You'll have to bring staples, though. TINA What? ROGER I don't want to run out of staples when I do my DS-22's. I only have 18 staples left, and I'm going to need 7 of them for my DS-22's. TINA Who the hell counts their staples? ROGER I do. So you'll have to bring your own. TINA Look, I have only ten DS-22's. So between my ten and your seven, we're good. ROGER What if a staple breaks? TINA What? ROGER What happens if a staple breaks. I may need two staples for one of my DS-22's. TINA You have a spare. ROGER What happens if the stapler jams? TINA What if it does? ROGER Whenever my stapler jams, it ruins three staples. If I let you staple your DS-22's and the stapler jams, then I won't have enough staples for mine. Tina glares at Roger, then grabs at the stapler. Roger grabs it back. TINA I need your stapler! ROGER That's my stapler! The two wrestle with the stapler. After a tussle, the stapler breaks. TINA Look what you did! ROGER That was my stapler! Now neither of us will get our DS-22's in on time! Tina brushes her clothes off. TINA That's okay. I hear Cindy Benson has a stapler. I'll just borrow hers. TINA walks off as Roger stares at her.